I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
