White coat. Heels.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
