2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
