I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
