First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
