He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
