I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
