Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
