he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
