It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
