Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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