There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just want to make out with him forever
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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