If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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