"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Is Oprah even human
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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