I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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