Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
