I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
