my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
