please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
