never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Someone shattered a urinal.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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