Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
