I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
