Already got asked if we're dating
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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