1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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