i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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