Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
