I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
