I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
