I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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