well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
