About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
