I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize