Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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