He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
