remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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