All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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