Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize