I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
