when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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