I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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