I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
