Jerry, you need to find god
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
