Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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