U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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