a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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