I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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