i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
