Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
