brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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