Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
