i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
