NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
