i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
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