Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
