And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
