He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
