she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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