im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
