I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
