rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
