Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
