1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
