Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
