I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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