I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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