I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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