I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
